Homocon

One Rusty Nail in hand, I'm sitting avidly before the television watching all the politicians desperately position themselves for the best camera angles possible.

*The Supreme Court Justices have just walked in, and now the President's cabinet is strolling in, shaking hands, smiling big, fake, toothy smiles. Dennis Kucinich is sitting on the aisle, vainly hoping that someone might recognize him and shake his weak, pale hand -- the weak, pale hand that most likely will grab for a knife to stab the present administration in the back after the speech is over.

*Faces, faces, faces that I don't recognize one whit. Who the hell are all these people? Our representatives? Oh, woe . . . and now we're waiting, waiting, waiting for the President to stalk through the doors in his best Texas boot-stomping style. I do like the way Bush Jr. walks. It's hilarious -- like a movie star who's completely aware that there are cameras pointed at him 24/7. He's like Tom Cruise, only vastly more powerful, relevant, better connected and with WAY more personality.

*Here he comes. He's wearing a blue tie. What does that mean? "I'm chill, I'm relaxed, no aggression here, let's all just be friends." I would have preferred a big old stripe of blood-red hanging from his neck. "Yeah, that's right, I can take you out, so watch your mouth."

*I think Bush almost grimaced when he shook Kucinich's hand. I know I would have. Quick, where's the hand sanitizer when you need it!

*Ugh. Nancy Pelosi is speaking. With those stretched tendons at her neck. And is Dick Cheney wishing he were anywhere else but here at this time?

*Lots of applause. More so than I would have thought -- and Bush was terrifically gracious in addressing Pelosi . . . more gracious than Pelosi has ever been about Bush. She doesn't deserve it. Not that she doesn't deserve to be speaker, but she doesn't deserve the gracious words from someone she's only ridiculed and demeaned for the past five years.

*"Must have the will . . . much is asked of us . . . yadda yadda yadda"

*At least Cheney is wearing a red tie. He looks like he wants to take Bush's blue tie and strangle him with it.

*Uh-oh -- "a future of hope and opportunity" . . . that doesn't bode well for the rest of the speech. Not much vision. We get the domestic Bush again . . . the one that ran for election for 2000. He was a crashing bore, and here he is again. Balancing the Federal Budget. *yawn* But at least he got the dig in about not raising taxes. Ha!

*No child left behind. Do we have to dump yet even more cash into failing school systems? We dump so much money into our public schools that it's almost shameful. Yet they underperform year after year. Oh, goodie -- at least he's talking about the right to choose somewhere better.

*Oh god. Nancy Pelosi leaps to her feet over health care. Sit down, Nancy. This is not your time to shine.

*Really, is this what this is going to be about? Dull fee schedules and insurance deductions? I think I see members of the House and Senate already falling asleep. And changing the tax code isn't just vital for making health care affordable, it's vital for rewarding ambition and hard-work rather than penalizing it.

*This is all beginning to sound a lot like government encroachment in every single area of our lives. But hot dang, we do honestly need medical liability reform. "The best health care decisions are not made by government agencies" . . . say it again, Georgie!

*Temporary Worker Reform, or Amnesty? I can't tell what he's talking about. His language is vague. Ah, hold employers responsible for violating immigration laws. I like that. And here it comes . . . "without amnesty" . . . did he just say that? But what the hell does "comprehensive immigration reform" mean? He didn't say. I don't think he wants to say.

*Energy supply. Clean coal. Solar and wind. Safe nuclear. There's something for everyone! Batteries, clean diesel, biodiesel, ethanol, woodchips, grasses, agricultural waste. My god, is there anything he left out?

*Reduce gasoline consumption by 20% in the next ten years? Isn't that rather, uh, underwhelming as a goal?

*Conservation, conservation, conservation. Let's talk about alternatives, not using less. And thank god he's talking about utilizing our own natural resources. We have oil and coal and natural gas, but environmentalists won't let us drill and dig for it because it disturbs their lovely view. Whatever. How else are we going to be energy independent? Idiots.

*Here comes the GWOT talk. And everyone seems to be standing and cheering in support. "Take the fight to the enemy" . . . standing ovation. Hillary Clinton clapping, but frowning. Is that like not waving but drowning?

*Does Nancy Pelosi have dentures? She looks like she's sucking on her teeth.

*Dick Cheney looks hungry. "Blah blah blah, get on with it, Jr. -- I have reservations at Morton's."

*Wow. Bush is addressing the vital points of the war on terror, the war against radical Islam. He's even quoting the terrorists. "These men are not given to idle words . . . we face an escalating danger from Shia extremists determined to dominate the Middle East." Different faces of the same totalitarian threat. Has he said words like this in a SOTUS before?

*Ok, that's like, the 20th time Nancy Pelosi has given him a standing ovation. Is she just trying to show off her suit?

*Free people are not drawn to violent and malignant ideologies? Really? I think some are, as we see all across the world. This is a bad argument. Free people do whatever the hell free people want, and sometimes they want violence and bloodshed. Just visit the Democratic Underground if you don't believe me.

*He's spending a lot of time on the War on Terror. Good. I thought it would be lost in the shuffle of double-speak on domestic economics. Lebanon, Afghanistan, Iraq. He's actually detailing the conflict between Shia and Sunni. "This is not the fight we entered, but it's the fight we're in." Amen.

*"Let us find our resolve and turn events toward Victory." Nice.

*Ah, he mentions that one of our goals in Iraq is to establish a government that respects the rights of its people. Good. Does Sharia law respect the rights of the people? Is anyone going to talk about this?

*Yes, Baghdad must be secured, if only to give CNN reporters something else to talk about besides how many cars exploded just a block away from their hotel, within convenient photo distance.

*"The consequences of failure would be grievous" . . . chaos is the greatest ally of the terrorists. "Nothing is more important in this moment of our history than to succeed in Iraq" -- Nancy Pelosi does not stand up to applaud.

*"Whatever you voted for, you did not vote for failure." Lots of applause. Funny -- even Pelosi.

*The WOT is really the most important issue we face. I'm happy that he's spending so much time addressing it. And supporting our Armed Forces. He seems to be speaking directly to the Armed Forces much of the time -- "Don't worry -- I won't abandon you."

*I like it -- ok, you don't have to wear a uniform, but put your money where your fat mouth is and do something to help your country you ungrateful, socialist-leaning wretches!

*Oh, North Korea just entered the conversation. And Cuba, Belaruse and Burma -- and Darfur. Okay, that got a rise out of Pelosi. "What? Darfur? Didn't George Clooney do a documentary about Darfur? Well then, I'm clapping!"

*Great. The American Taxpayers have to fund STD relief in Africa. Whatever. Why don't we make frickin' Mugabe take care of his own people? He thinks he's so terribly good at it.

*They couldn't have picked a more photogenic man to sit next to Laura Bush. A doctor, a basketball player, a new citizen of the U.S. What more could you ask for? And his tie kind of matches Laura's suit -- though he stands about two feet taller than her!

*Baby Einstein? Is this all about the children? No wonder Pelosi is smiling. "The children -- the children -- wait, wait, that wasn't right, can we do that again?"

*I like the Wesley Autrey bit. Give examples of what we can and should be like towards one another.

*Tommy Rieman. Again, examples of people who act to help others, sometimes at great cost to themselves. I think that's the first time Bush Jr. fully smiled during this entire speech. "This is a decent and honorable country" -- take that, haters!

Less than an hour. Short and sweet. Lots of talk about the WOT. I was afraid he would run away from it, but he didn't. Focused at first on economic matters, stressing (hilariously, because the media so resolutely refuses to do it for him) the strength of the U.S. economy. I've been investing recently in the stock market, and I'm often shocked by how vital and aggressive the U.S. economy is at present. Constant good news, constant growth. Everyone keeps thinking it's all going to topple, then earnings reports come out and the market rallies. So it was good that he touched on that, and even better that he moved on to what's the most pressing issue today -- the WOT.

I was very surprised that he devoted so much of his time to the Iraq War, and to the problem of terrorism in general. The way he's been acting lately, I was convinced he was going to tuck tail and turn away from the issue altogether. Nice to know that he's committed, and committed to keeping the House and Senate focused on the problem, as well as the American People.

Well, at least the wonks that watch State of the Union speeches . . .

ADDENDUM:
Oh, and if you were wondering who the Mainstream Media (well, at least the Associated Press) wants to win the Democratic Presidential nomination, look no further than these two photos from tonight's State of the Union speech:

The suave, sophisticated Obama.

The freakish, crazed Hillary.

Any questions?