The New Rebellion Chic
Now that drugs are passe, free-love will more than likely send you to the doctor and perhaps even to the grave, and Rock and Roll is now sobered up and shilling for any company able to foot the bill, what's a proper rebellious teenager to do?
Why, embrace neo-fundamentalism, watch gory videos and blow things up, of course! Because, really, dating that black/asian/indian girl down the street doesn't piss off mom and dad anymore, coming out gay is just bland fodder for network sitcoms with laugh tracks, and who wants to move to a commune and "live off the land" only to do all the work while the cult leader impregnates your girlfriend?
Converting to fundamentalist Islam properly confuses the folks and alarms the neighbors, affording an immediate gratification for angry, disaffected youth that wearing a mohawk and piercing your lips just isn't capable of doing any longer. Your girlfriend (provided you can find one) will be properly submissive, and if she isn't, you have every right to stab, shoot or burn her to death, and should every cute girl you've ever stirred your loins toward turn you down for a date to the kegger (I know, again!), you can strap on some homemade chemicals, record a vengeance flavored video and then go blow up the entire football team!
But wait, there's more! Annoy your history teacher by denying the holocaust ever happened ("lies! exaggerations! conspiracy!"), and then ask him to "prove it" when he contradicts your clever grasp of world events. Wear a Palestinian kuffiyeh while protesting the free and liberal democracy you live in as racist, oppressive and blood-thirsty (an eloquent "F*ck the War!" t-shirt is also a lovely wardrobe choice, if your local ACLU chapter isn't sold out). And don't forget to stage a few intimidating photo-shoots and video sessions for the mainstream press -- I hear the BBC simply adores a thug, especially if they can use him for a headline!
Don't waste your time snorting cocaine and huffing off a hookah. That's for pussies who can't think past 1969. Grow a pair and become the ultimate focal point of fear and awe in your community -- embrace Islamic fundamentalism and give the finger to The Man! It's that simple.
Disclaimer: Islamic fundamentalism may have negative side effects if you're gay, female, rational, intelligent, optimistic, christian, buddhist, hindu, jewish, capitalistic, western and/or interested in freedom, choice, liberty and democracy. Indulge in Islamic fundamentalism only after consulting your psychiatrist, and don't drive or operate heavy machinery while under the Islamic fundamentalist influence, as this may cause untoward damage to the life and property of those unfortunate enough not to escape from the vicinity of your pimply, rage-addled, sociopathic a**.
Comments
You know that if you write something bad about Islamic religious fundamentalism, you'll get responses like: "What about all of the contributions ancient Arab and Islamic society has given us? Say, algebra, for example..."
Algebra? You mean the worst frickin' classes I ever had to take in school? I mean, the only part of school I hated worse than algebra was that module we did on sappy poetry...
...you're kidding! Islamic Arabs invented that too?
(sigh)
Posted by: Scott | October 9, 2005 1:09 PM
since I've decided to stalk both Nathan and Scott, I'm posting here today.
No insightful comments, just a "Hello, boys. I'm watching you."
:o)
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Homocon sez:
I *knew* I saw something rustling through the bushes yesterday evening, but then the sprinklers went off and I heard a yelp followed by the sound of running . . .
Posted by: deb | October 10, 2005 11:12 AM
Following up on your lame brained response to the emerging public awareness that Bush2's war was a lie and a strategic mistake---anyone who opposes the war is a terrorists sympathizer or an anti-semite---now you've now added race and religion baiting.
You're a real piece of work, aren't you? I'd stick with reviewing coffee makers and designer blue jeans, things more in keeping with your status as the internet's most pissy faggot ever.
Posted by: David | October 11, 2005 7:47 PM
You're brilliant. I hope no one lights you on fire for this post.
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Homocon sez:
I wear asbestos pants . . .
Posted by: Mush | October 18, 2005 2:54 PM